I'm angry about everything. Tim asked me today why am I such an angry person. So I thought about it. Here is my list of what angers me. Be aware, it may get long.
I'm angry my birth mother left us and moved to Minnesota even though we were grown up when she did it.
I'm angry at my sisters for MULTIPLE reasons.
I'm angry me and my other siblings are not close.
I'm angry my adoptive father doesn't make an attempt to see the kids.
I'm angry that my house never stays in order even though I bust my ass to make it look good.
I'm angry that my husband thinks all he has to do is work, mow the lawn and take out the garbage.
I'm angry that my family is not close anymore. I rarely speak to any of my cousins and the one I do talk to, I haven't seen or spoke to her since October. Not for a lack of me trying.
I'm angry that Kyla's father doesn't do shit for her except act like a child himself.
I'm angry that he buys her whatever she wants but doesn't help us out with school clothes or anything she needs.
I'm angry that my kids take me for granted.
I'm angry that I have to tell them 12,569,842,547,962 times to do something and then I have to get angry and do it myself.
I'm angry that my birth father thinks he's better than everyone yet he forgets he beat the crap out of my mom when we were just tiny little babies.
I'm angry that my husband thinks every single person in his family is perfect and can do no wrong.
I'm angry that I didn't go to college right out of high school.
I'm angry that I have to depend on Tim for my clothing and roof over my head.
I'm angry that I cannot support myself.
I'm angry that I try my best to be a good mom, wife, sister, and friend and I always seem to fuck that up at some point. I know that no one is perfect but dammit, try saying something nice once in awhile to lift a girls spirits. K?
Wow, I'm seriously an angry person. He's right. I thought I was depressed when really I'm angry at every single person in my life. He asked me today if I was still taking Zoloft. I said yes. He said he thought I was a much nicer person before even taking it. Really? He asked me which was better? Me crying a lot or yelling and just being mad at the world. I said being mad. It's easier for me. I get mad at everyone and push them away. If I do that then no one will bother me. I can sit at this computer and just search the web for hours at night and be perfectly happy with that. He gets mad at me for being on here late at night because I don't go to bed with him. This is my time to relax and not have to worry about anyone bothering me to make them something to eat, or change their diaper or do some wifely duty. This is my ME time. It doesn't last long because Nathan wakes up to eat.
So pretty much, I'm angry and not depressed. I'm angry at just about every single person in my life. Well, not my step mom. She's amazing. She is the only person I've never gotten mad at. Yeah, I love her.
So, what do I do? Do I tell my doctor that really I'm just a completely miserable bitch? Ugh, decisions, decisions.